Dating Daze

Baby Boy, a friend of my roommate’s boyfriend, tried (unsuccessfully) to put the moves on the other night. My roommate & I had just thrown a CEO/ Slutty Secretary theme party (where else could I show off my new sexy office black rimmed glasses?), and it was now 2:30 a.m. What remained of the party: The roommate, her boyfriend, myself, and Baby Boy. Not only is Baby Boy seriously smaller in height than me, he’s also 6 years younger.

Now I’ve met Baby Boy before, and he had told my roommate’s boyfriend that he thought I was “pretty hot” and that he was into tall women. Well, that’s great, it’s just unfortunate that I’m not “into short guys”. Anyway, after excusing myself and going to sleep, about ten minutes later I hear a knock on my door. A little knock, mind you. So fitting. Then another little knock. Then a little voice “can I come in?” He definitely took a “it’s just lil ole me” kind of approach to the whole thing.

I’m not sure what gave him the impression that I would allow him into my room, as I’ve given him zero indication whatsoever that I’m interested in him, but whatever. He just happened to be extremely lucky that night since the guy that I wanted to show up to the party hadn’t made it. So I figured, why not have a little company? Nothing’s going to happen obviously. So Baby Boy comes over to the bed and lays down. The first thing that comes out of his mouth is “Your bed is so BIG!!!! Damn, your bed is BIG!”

I swear to G-d. And I hate to use G-d’s name in vain. But why did he have to KEEP using the word “BIG?”  I had to bite my tongue to keep the jokes from accidentally spilling out against my will. Because let me paint the picture for you. I have a FULL bed. Yes, a full bed. Not a King, not a California King, not even a Queen. Anything smaller than mine is a twin.

I wanted to be like “Oh, this is an ADULT sized bed. I’m sure you’re accustomed to the adolescent bed sizes, but this is actually the norm for a big person’s bed. Yeah, uh huh! Funny, huh? Like your parents are out of town & you’re jumping up & down on their big, big bed? Yeah, same type of thing.”

Then this fool tries to move closer to me & put on the moves. I just brushed him away with a flick of my hand & was like “Sorry Baby Boy, it’s not gonna happen.” “What’s not gonna happen?” (they always play dumb.) “YOU know what’s not gonna happen.” But it actually worked out really well because after a little bit of akwardness we were hanging out like old friends & he suggested crank calling the guy who hadn’t shown up to the party. He took the rejection like a real trooper and ended up making the best of it.

This entry was posted Wednesday, January 17th, 2007 at 1:59 pm and is filed under Worst "Men", The Little Man. You can leave a response, or trackback from your own site.