Dating Daze

I made some notes to self yesterday when I had an epiphany about this very subject, and am including them in the hope that they just might be of some assistance:

1. Verify his Jewishness on the Internets if possible. All the signs might be pointing, (Persian, dentist, Westwood, hellooooo), it’s kind of a no-brainer, the handwriting’s on the wall, but still, one can never be too sure these days. Fact check, maybe by throwing ‘Shabbat’ into the mix. “So I wanted to go on Friday, but, you know about Fridays, Shabbat n all”, (knowing look/ check to see if he gets it.)

2. Once Judaism confirmation is complete, brush up on relevant terminology so you can rattle off without a second thought and even improvise when you get really good. (Shiksa, schlep, yarmulke, temple, Kujaiiiiii, (which you believe means, ‘Where are you’ in Farsi, but should consult trusted Persian source ‘NBB Joon’ before throwing it out there), these all work.

3. Conveniently leave out that you ate a delectable spicy turkey sausage at a barbecue last weekend without checking to make the casing wasn’t pork first, even though you know casings count and the Devil’s in the details. Forgive yourself too. Nobody’s perfect.

4. Find Star of David earrings ASAP that you can rock on next visit. Can’t go wrong with the Star.

5. Ensure next appointment by staying alert to any ‘mouth emergencies’ you might have. Also order unnecessary bleaching kit you have no business buying seeing as it’ll break your bank and then some. Keep the faith. You’ll figure it out.

6. Prepare questions about the ‘bondings’ he recommended. “Now speaking of bonding…”

7. Figure out his zodiac sign online through his bday at Pipl. (While waiting for the page to load, berate the fact you work in the Internet industry as it only enables your stalker tendencies. You know too much.)

Force yourself to stop the madness and step away from the computer in light of the fact you’re a known signaholic. Don’t even go there. You know you have no control. You don’t even need that, Cherie. You’re better than that.

8. Get over the bad taste in your mouth for Persian Jewish guys after the last one ended in disaster. Visualize throwing out Persian Jew Jean Pierre just like the trash to cleanse yourself of any negative thoughts if that’s what it takes. Remind self these are two completely different guys.

Overlook the gold necklace you saw peeking out the dentist’s shirt and that your hair stood up on end when he called you “sweetie”. It’s a term of endearment, that’s all it is.

9. Work on getting over your non-love of bald guys and turn a ‘negative’ into a positive. “His hair won’t even get in the way when he takes his amazing photographs of animals and kids!” This is the 21st century. Bald Is Beautiful.

Stop assuming it’ll necessarily look a certain way and be open to the possibilities. G-d works in mysterious ways. (We move in them too.)

10. Next time, don’t get so carried away watching some obscure Olympic sport that you don’t give yourself enough prep time to primp for your appointment beforehand. It’s not like fencing is track or swimming or gymnastics.

11. Pump self up prior to appt. with songs like ‘Make That Move’ by Shalamar or ‘The Men All Pause’ by Climaxx. Confidence is key.

12. Hope for the best. Erica’s* masseuse recently went down on her, (*names have been changed to protect the lucky), so anything can happen when a service provider is on the job fraternizing with clients. Massagery, orthodontia, periodonty, what’s the diff?

13. And finally… go for it! Go for the gold. (Now, seriously Cherie. Seriously. Consider the possibility probability that you’re watching way too much of the Olympic games. You might have a problem. Maybe there are groups…)

This entry was posted Friday, August 15th, 2008 at 1:49 pm and is filed under Persian Men, Jewish Men. You can leave a response, or trackback from your own site.