Are Men Getting Lazy?
Call me crazy, but have you noticed that men are just not trying like they used to? Nowadays it seems like they all want something for nothing. And their chicks for free.
Don’t get me wrong, I’m not a man hater by any means. I love men. Live for them actually. It’s just that I have come across lately an abnormally large amount of situations leading me to the conclusion that we may be making things a tad too easy for them. The numbers are well outside any possible standard deviation of ‘just coincidence’ too. Something’s definitely going on.
I’m not talking out of my a** either, like certain people do when they discuss axes of evil and 100 year wars. No, I have concrete examples to support my hypothesis. This theory is well documented. No Fox News story here. This is The Onion quality.
It’s a fact. Every Joe Schmo from down the block suddenly thinks he’s G-d’s gift to women. It’s an outrage! He’s not even trying to fool us with the rocks that he’s got either. Nope, none of that. He’s just Joey from the block. Take him or leave him. Gone are the days when a guy used to add flair and accessories to the equation (like nice dinners, fancy cars and muscles) to try and get women to notice him like he was the teacher’s pet in the front row raising his hand. “Pick me! Pick me!” That’s ancient history.
Each and every perfectly and nothing more than average guy I’ve come across lately acts like he’s the best thing since sliced bread. Like I should be hanging on his every move with bated breath even though he’s making no effort whatsoever. Can you believe this phenomenon? B- level men suddenly acting like men who are too cute. You know what I mean by men that are too cute, right? Physically beautiful men who are too cute for their own good. The stuff trophy husbands are made of. That elite subset of the population (2-3% max), who are so outwardly perfect that they don’t have to try at all because women fall for them regardless. The good-looking of the good-looking men. The best of the best. La crème de la crème.
Some of my friends have even made the conscious decision to avoid men who are too cute like the plague, and vehemently reject any impulse to fall for one should there be inadvertent contact. They’re instead choosing physically below average men, betting on these guys being less of a flight risk. They’re overlooking little issues like man boobs (a.k.a. ‘bitch tits’ as The Flight Club has forever coined them in my mind. “Meet Bob. Bob has bitch tits”), or ‘gradual hair reduction’, (a gentler phrase they prefer to use over the technical term ‘balding’).
I’m actually seriously considering going down that route myself. They might be on to something. I mean, honestly, what’s a little propecia at the end of the day? A drop in the bucket in the big scheme of things.
It’s a smart move if you really think about it, as guys who are normally overlooked and viewed as non-entities can’t rely on their looks and instead need to develop their personalities. They’re funnier. They probably have tougher skin too. Who wants someone so cute he doesn’t know how to deal with the issues that inevitably come up in a relationship since he always just moves on to the next girl and starts fresh again? Someone who more than gets by even though there’s not much going on upstairs? Sounds kind of overrated.
To be fair, it’s not really their fault, since why be the sharpest tool in the shed when your blunt edge gets the job done and then some? But still. It gets old very quickly when you’re with a guy who’s fun to look at but not fun to be with. He starts talking and you just want to say, “Ummm, I’m gonna need for you to be quiet now. Yeah, hush your mouth. Hush it. You’re here for one reason only, for me to look at like a beautiful piece of art, and you’re ruining it. Good for only one thing.” ;0)
I’m just kidding. I’m really not that superficial, but sometimes the personality really is shockingly that bad. One time I went to the movies with this model guy who was ‘really really really really ridiculously good looking’, and I guess he wasn’t that into the movie (or me for that matter), because after ten minutes he said, “You know, I’m just gonna check out,” and proceeded to fall asleep instantaneously. Like a dog can. Because we people usually need a couple of minutes to unwind and gather our thoughts before we can fall asleep, right? Not him. He could “check out” right away. That’s how developed the brain was. Or maybe he was just tired from being out late last night with a different girl? Who knows. The outcome was still the same though.
Anyway, on to the examples of men being lazy. What a long digression. That was so George W. of me to go off on a tangent that makes no sense whatsoever.
First off, they’re suggesting ‘grabbing a drink’ in lieu of the old-fashioned dinner date. What the …? When did this tried and true ritual get ousted? Who did this! I like eating. A lot. And when you do end up going out for a meal, men just aren’t offering to pay like they used to. You two will be out to lunch, the bill will come, and he’ll suddenly be looking around, ‘out to lunch’, both literally and figuratively. Which by the way he’s probably asked you to lunch instead of dinner to get the lunch specials and avoid being upsold with before dinner drinks and after dinner desserts.
Which leaves you wondering, is he cheap, or just broke? Because there’s a big difference. Leap year difference. One time this guy and I were ordering lunch at a café that came out to $15. The guy looked upset that he had to pay and I heard some kind of “hmmph!” noise coming from his direction, so I put $10 on the counter to see if he would take it. Which he did. Uh, oh. Trouble. Because who can’t afford $15? That was a test, and he failed. I actually want to pay from time to time, but I can’t for the life of me stand ’splitting’. You split with business associates. Isn’t dating supposed to be all about sharing and collaboration? How positively unromantic to split. Going half on a $15 lunch means the two of us will never ever be going half on a baby, that’s for sure.
Secondly, at the end of dates, they’re putting the ball in our court and making us make the next move. They kiss us, and then say “Call me!” or “Don’t be a stranger!” I always thought comments like these meant you would never hear from them again, but these days, they actually do call a couple weeks later asking why you haven’t called. Uh, because that’s your job? I’m all for equality, but a complete reversal of gender roles is a bit much. I already work hard for the money like a man as it is. I refuse to be in charge of making the first move too. Sorry.
And if you happen to work with a guy who’s taken a liking to you? Forget about it. Every day is a new opportunity for him to cube date. Cube dating is where a guy will stand over your cube like a lion over his prey and talk your ear off over a good thirty minute free ‘date’. Offices breed cube daters like Los Angeles breeds overly plastic surgeried monkey-looking women too. I was the victim of a serial cube dater’s advances once, and let me tell you, it’s not fun. He would come over to my desk every single morning. Now, must we draw attention to the fact that I just got into work at 10:30? So much for trying to quietly sneak in.
Extracting yourself from a cube date is extremely difficult too since they’ve kind of got you cornered. Had you been on the phone with a guy, you could always excuse yourself by yelling, “I’ll be right there!” or calling yourself from your home phone to your cell phone (I know all the tricks). But you’re not. So everyday I would have to get up and take a field trip to the kitchen just to get away from him. He would trail behind, chatting away. It was terrible. A recurring bad date that never ended. Just step away from the cube, mister, step away. I personally find cube daters extremely offensive to tell you the truth. This is a place of business! Come on. Not on company time, Mr. Vice President. Please.
Fourth piece of evidence: They’re roping us into text message relationships. Their toys are stopping romance right in its tracks. Lately I’ve started refusing to respond to text messages. If they truly want to get in touch with me, they know what to do. Because it’s a slippery slope I think. Texting can quickly become the main means of communication if you let it. Letting that type of behavior slide now leads to a future of text sex and trying to live happily ever in eHarmony later. Is that what you really want to look forward to? Text messages saying, “Re: the baby. Crying. Needs milk?” That just wouldn’t fly with me.
I’ve saved the best piece of proof for last though. This one really takes the cake. I think I may just have heard it all. This act alone could have prompted this entire post. My friend was about to have sex for the first time with this guy she’s been seeing, and he got on the bed, TUCKED HIS HANDS BEHIND HIS HEAD with his elbows out, and waited for her to get on top of him. Laid on his back like he was watching a show or a performance.
Wow. I mean, isn’t that a given? No hands behind your head the first time? Maybe that could come later in a relationship where sex has become old hat and taking a breather every now and then is okay. But the first time? You’re supposed to be pulling out all the stops and showing us your good side. (Not your literal ‘good side’ you have when taking pictures. Mine personally is my right side, so I look a little to the left. Works like a charm every time. Not that good side. The other one.)
Is that not the epitome of making the least effort possible? Now if that’s not pure laziness, I just don’t know what is. I can’t imagine hearing about such a thing five, ten years ago. Men who don’t think twice about making non-descript whoopee? They simply didn’t exist. Their reputations were at stake.
I think I’ve finally figured out the reason too. Took me a while, but I’ve got it. It’s porn. Too much easy access to porn on the Internet. Or maybe it’s ‘that rap music’, the scapegoat for everything these days. “You know how everyone’s poor and has no health insurance? Well, have you heard what they’ve been listening to?” Even though I know blaming the music is baloney, I must say on this particular laziness issue that Snoop’s ‘Sensual Seduction’ and Ludacris’ ‘Hoes In Different Area Codes’ sure aren’t helping matters any.
I blame the porn though. It’s the main culprit. Rap is just the getaway driver in a crime that would have happened anyway regardless of him being there or not. There’s simply no other possible explanation besides porn for ordinary guys acting like they’ve got quite the little groupie following.
Not that porn is always bad. I happen to love porn myself. Didn’t leave the house for three straight days when I first discovered it on the Internet as a matter of fact. It’s perfectly fine… in moderation. Might I even say it provides a valuable, needed service for the community? It’s education. And knowledge is power.
But guys’ overuse of porn and their ability to virtually get girls anytime they want is resulting in this undesirable phenomenon of lazy men. Porn is lowering the bar for men and raised the bar for women. Or do I mean the other way around? I mean whatever way means it makes things pretty darn easy for men and very hard for women.
Now that porn is ubiquitious (do you see how my studying SAT words during an entire semester of physics class has really paid off for me?), men just don’t need us quite as much as they used to. The element of desperation that used to be present in the chase is sorely lacking. Men are still chasing, but half-heartedly so. It’s not like if they don’t catch their prey they won’t eat anymore. Oh they’re still having dinner all right. They’re never truly S.O.L when they’re but a computer away.
I’m actually kind of worried. This could quickly transform into a serious problem. Maybe whole relationships could one day become obsolete? Like, a plus, yes, nice to have, sure, but not absolutely necessary. One of my guy friends says the reason he loves porn so much is because of its variety. What if they start being harder to please after seeing hundreds of naked women? That would be horrible. Who wants to get judged on a curve? It’s kind of scary when you really think about it.
So I’m asking men everywhere to consider getting back to basics and returning to old-fashioned dating practices. Scale back on the porn a bit and start thinking about its repercussions. Because this porn / new technology thing might not be all it’s cracked up to be. We might be taking one step forward, two steps back for mankind. Changing things too quickly and jumping the gun often results in serious growing pains. We need adaptation time, just like when the day came that men didn’t need to go out and hunt for food while women stayed home and kept house. There’s just no way that happened overnight. We need to evolve into a new lifestyle. Slowly. Gradually.
It’s always so much easier to nip a situation in the bud and stop it before it gets out of hand too. What if George W. hadn’t had 8 years to run around like a wild banshee wreaking havoc and leaving behind a sorry state of the union for a woman or a black man to fix? Because we are gonna win, one way or another. Hillary is so Plan B it’s not even funny, but we’ll make do if we have too. But that’s neither here nor there.
So men, whadya think? Maybe we should change? (It’s funny because my ex-boyfriend always used to laugh at how I would suggest that he do something or change some habit by turning it into a question. “Should we take out the trash?” or “Should we stop leaving our wet towels on the bed?”) ;0)
So guys, should we stop this nonsense and start taking care of business? Get back to that pedal to the medal behavior you used to exhibit at the beginning of a relationship? Show us that you Mclove us with chivalry and romance? (Sorry, I can’t say ‘lovin’ or any derivative of it like ‘love’ without adding a Mc in front of it. My allegiance to Superbad is just that strong.)
Even if you’ve all banded together and decided to stop trying, flip the script and collectively decide to make a change. A change we can believe in. Because there’s power in numbers. And anything worth having is worth working for, isn’t that right? Besides, a little manual labor never hurt nobody. We can do this men, yes we can. Yes we can.
February 22nd, 2008 at 7:58 pm
You’re back. And you’re Superbad!
I loved it.
February 25th, 2008 at 4:57 pm
Awwww, thank you. And you’re hilarious MWC. I think I need to do some ‘geographical reporting’ on the dating state of affairs in Seattle very very soon. In the next couple of months for sure!
March 5th, 2008 at 7:51 am
I like to show a gal what i’m all about. Take her out and pay for a nice date. But where are all the gals that want this. I seem to find the ones that don’t want the romantic stuff and it irritates me. I find myself asking wheres all the old fashioned girls at? Wheres the ones that want to be whined and dined? So maybe write something to all of the girls that send so many mixed signals to guys like me?
March 29th, 2008 at 7:10 am
i came across a reply to a responce i made to one of your posts- and it led me to this one when i clicked the link- -i don’t see it- but it doesnt matter- i read this one- as much as i could of it anyway- made me feel bad- tho not in the way you might expect - because i don’t see myself in any of the people you’ve described. and i can’t buy a date- maybe it’s the east coast where females don’t even look at you for fear of being robbed or raped or stalked or whatever it is they fear. i don’t know- just speculation- cause i’d be afraid to ask. cause they might just use their constantly present cell to call the police because you looked at them or looked like you miht -o my god- actually say something to them. i buried my ego long ago- do everything i can to make a date memorable -in a good way. but nothing i do seems to please . so i have basically given up.- being constantly rejected by girls youve had long relationships with or one date becomes hard to take after awhile- the only thing worse than being rejeted is being lonely- no good choices there. the only comment i could make about that post would probably make you angry- but you said it yourself- that you were/are being superficial.
i hope you can change that without feeling that you have settled for second rate men. i don’t judge people like that. there are people we will get along with and people we won’t- that doesn’t mean that they are second rate or not worthy or however you want to put it.
i put in my little dumb website if youd like to visit it- i haven’t posted any writings there- just pictures and videos- the videos would be more entertaining- the pics i need to weed out because i managed to put up so many duplicates- kept telling me that it had failed to upload them so i continued to try- the result being that the pics were posted 5 times. i am not too cute for my own good- i don’t really think about it- if i do i’d probably tell you that i was below average-i avoid mirrors etc. which is all true- i figure that if someone won’t even lok at you there must be something wrong. but go ahead and look if you want.
otherwise i think that you are just dating the wrong men- hope you have since found the right one-
the part about men just moving on to the next girl if one becomes too mch trouble i’ve found to be more rue of females. but i am merely ging by my own experiences and what i’ve observed of the few females that i know- one girl that i met online told me that she is bombarded with 100 letters a day from men- most of whom include pics that you would find in payboys opposite- and that i was competing with thousands. jesus- i don’t have a chance in hell- because i won’t lie- won’t send pics that are not me and if you ask me how i’m feeling i may not say the world is a bed of roses.
well i’ve rambled way long enough- gotta walk doggie- hope i didn’t bore you too much- but just couldn’t take the irony of it.- for it is ironic.
billy
April 10th, 2008 at 1:14 pm
i like it.
the post i mean…not porn.
May 8th, 2008 at 11:41 am
I stopped reading at “G-d’s gift to women”. Terrible.
May 8th, 2008 at 11:57 am
Jaded much?
May 8th, 2008 at 11:59 am
I think you are absolutely right, men don’t try as much as they used to and yes, porn is likely a strong contributor to this behavior. I’m firmly in this camp myself.
However, why should I change? You ask men to get back to basics and start doing things the way they used to. What for? Clearly men have found a solution that works better for them. Back when a relationship meant gaining someone to cook, clean, and care for the man, as well as sex, there was a clear motivation to fight for a good woman. Well, I don’t know any women that know how to cook any more, and if they did they’d be too tired after work to bother. They certainly aren’t going to stay home and clean. That pretty much left sex as the only draw. Well, we’ve found our own solution to that now. Similarly to how women can now provide for themselves quite well financially and no longer need a man, men can now handle all their sexual needs and no longer need a woman. Why would I want to put so much effort into winning you over and making you happy? I won’t get anything extra out of it.
This is the future. Relationships are a thing of the past. Families are outdated technology. Don’t worry, I’m sure you’ll find a way to adapt.
May 8th, 2008 at 12:07 pm
So… you want men to do more so you can go back to doing less? so much for equality, right?
May 8th, 2008 at 12:09 pm
This is mindless drivel. She blasts through 800 words before we even get to a point. Then all she has to say is that if men don’t shower her with cash and attention then they’re probably porn addicts.
Join the 21st century. Take some personal responsibility for the fact that you’re a boring, inarticulate gold digger.
May 8th, 2008 at 12:25 pm
I would suggest that perhaps you should consider that the problem is the types of guys you’re going out with and not men in general, except that you actually do that yourself. Yet you still seem to think that’s not the problem?
As far as cheap guys go, that is partially a result of men’s increasing distaste with having to put up with feminazi insanity (not all feminists mind you, just the crazy ones) while at the same time being expected by women and societal norms to shell out the cash for all dates. By the same token, we have SERIOUS issues with allowing the woman to pay entirely for the date. Allowing the woman to pay for our meal has a tendency to make us feel like shit, and not just because we have some superiority complex. It’s a gender role issue that is pretty well ingrained into our society. There’s been some progress over the decades and some men are capable of handling it, but not for long. Splitting the cost of a date is much easier for us to fit into our view of the world because even though we may not pay for your meal, at least we’re paying for ourselves.
Honestly, it’s not that men are getting lazy, because in case you hadn’t noticed, we’ve ALWAYS been lazy. This is how our brains work. If we see two paths to the same goal, we’re going to take the faster one that takes less work, even if it’s hazardous to our health. Really though, it’s just that we’re going through times where half the female population expects one thing while the other half expects another (sometimes both halves occurring in a single woman) and we’re getting confused and annoyed. We’re just sick and tired of putting up with shit and a lot of times just decide to fall into the “laid back, uncaring man” mode which we’ve often been told works pretty well for picking up women. Remember though, it’s not just porn that we fall back on. It’s easy women and alcohol too, and those aren’t just perpetuated by porn. More like the entire society at large.
May 8th, 2008 at 12:27 pm
So you’re considering yourself to be 1st rate female material that is considering to step down and eventually date 2nd rate males. Oh how merciful of you.
Those 1st rate guys you complain about so much are the male equivalent of what you are counting yourself to be.
They are conceited, you are conceited … you should go great together. Try again, maybe you will find the beautiful sap you’re looking for.
“I’m all for equalilty, but” .. you know, that “but” means “no, I am not for equality really, I only use it to get what I want”
All that equality for which you are for where it suits you has created scores of females that can’t cook, don’t want to tend a vegetable garden to keep living costs down, need a 2nd vehicle, a gas guzzling SUV preferred, and a nanny for the baby you so much wanted but don’t have time for because of your career.
So, what do you think. Should we try to be less of a demanding queen? Should we try to approach every person on his own merit?
Peace
Dalit (Untouchable caste)
May 8th, 2008 at 12:28 pm
So men are lazy when it comes to dating…it has nothing to do with women, at all? Apparently not. And the fact that porn is pretty handy MUST be the culprit. I mean, I look at my fair share but trust me, Ive never said to myself “Damn, why wont this girl shut up so i can go home and google me some midgets going at it!”
Maybe its the fact that most women are plainly, simply, and utterly *boring*. The conversation’s are ALL the same, the dates are ALL the same and the progression of meeting someone to doing the nasty is ALL the same.
Heaven forbid a guy try to be a little unconventional, because the girl will just stand there with a blank stare like he’s got something growing out of his head.
GRANTED, the experiences you listed are pretty bad. Maybe your just finding the wrong monkeys in the barrel, but im going out on a limb and going to say that most guys are just bored with the traditional dating scene. In this post-women’s rights world, why should the man still foot the responsibility of dating when women have fought so hard to beat us down into the idiocracy of society?
I could go on and on but Im going to leave it at that
May 8th, 2008 at 12:33 pm
Man, when I saw the title I was going to read the whole thing and come up with some wity response…but its a long post and it would take a lot of effort.
May 8th, 2008 at 12:34 pm
LOL.
May 8th, 2008 at 12:36 pm
The hilarious thing about this piece is the author is moaning about men being lazy because it means she can’t be. I’m sorry, but “working like a man” isn’t where equality ends. It means women paying for dates, making the first move, making the phone calls, being the aggressor in the bedroom. If you can’t do that half the time and get your panties in a bunch over the three seconds it’ll take you to respond to a text message, then frankly you deserve to stay single as the modern world passes you by. Equality isn’t all about benefits; it’s also about responsibility. Suck it up. If you want a 1950s man, you’d better be a 1950s woman.
May 8th, 2008 at 12:39 pm
Sounds to me like you are attracted to a personality trait that is grouped with aloofness.
I commonly get the other side of things… always get complaints about working to hard and going to far out of my way.
Also, there are now evil axes, however there was an “Axis of Evil”, just a side note.
May 8th, 2008 at 12:40 pm
Or it could be that you and your friends are self-absorbed twits & attract the same…
May 8th, 2008 at 12:49 pm
I see where you’re coming from but honestly, too bad. I’m honestly tired of girls that ‘expect’ me to get doors or buy them dinner. Not that I don’t do it fairly frequently, but when you’re leaving a restaurant and a girl makes a little “hhmmph” noise when she has to suffer through opening her own door that’s really a big turn off.
The problem is girls don’t appreciate chivalry, they expect it. What’s the fun in doing something nice if it’s expected? It doesn’t really count as going ‘out of your way’ anymore, and I’m not cool with that.
And blaming porn is a big cop out. Porn is great but it’s not sex.
Why don’t you blame all the hot young girls with loose morals that will sleep with you because they’re horny and you’re there. Why pay for everything and go way out of your way when you can be a dick, make her buy drinks, and still have her swallow and leave later that night?
May 8th, 2008 at 12:49 pm
Seems like a woman doesn’t like it when a man starts acting like a woman.
May 8th, 2008 at 12:55 pm
“Pedal to the metal.” It refers to the metal firewall behind the pedal, as in pushing the car as hard as possible. There is usually a rug over the metal these days so it’s a bit dated and losing its meaning this way…
And it is worthwhile to consider that if people are not making an effort to impress you, you may not be impressing them. A lot of women, I think, believe they don’t have to make an effort beyond dressing nicely and applying make-up. Maybe that was enough before ubiquitous porn, but now we get the visuals for free.
You could try being thoughtful and kind to men (and maybe even all of the people around you)! There’s not a body in the world that makes up for the Disney Princess entitlement attitude so many women have. Be worth striving for, ladies, and men will strive. It’s a changing market like any other; adapt or perish.
May 8th, 2008 at 1:00 pm
I don’t think this is about laziness, per se, rather it’s more like that ‘Sex in the City’ episode — ‘he’s just not that in to you’ or perhaps, he senses that you’re just not that into him.
I like to think of myself as a guy who puts a lot into his relationships, but at the same time, if the girl thinks she’s not going to put in the same effort to be interesting and engaging, then she doesn’t have much potential for a relationship — which leaves only sex, which is great, but I would feel bad about being with a girl solely for sex if it were under false pretenses, so at that point I usually check out and if she still jumps on me, great, if not, unless there’s more than just physical attraction at play, it’s only the difference between mutual and solo masturbation, which isn’t worth a lot of effort after the first few times.
So basically I guess I’m saying that what’s special about a girl is what’s between her ears, not her legs, and perhaps it is the girls, not the guys, who are being lazy in thinking that they don’t need to engage the former because they have the latter. The tone of your post tends to confirm my opinion, because it basically translates to:
“Porn is bad, because it gives men a viable alternative to pussy”.
May 8th, 2008 at 1:01 pm
i’ve gone out with many women in my life. at first i used to be very nice and romantic and that got me women that had an endless list of hoops for me to jump through and i was miserable. i decided that i wasn’t gonna try any more and just have fun regardless…. and the women came pouring in. i would have different girls calling me every day, i had many friends with benefits. needless to say, i was happy.
the women i dated or tried to date the more traditional way never really complained about the way i treated them, but they never seemed to give it much value either. on the other hand my friends with benefits said many times that they wanted men to be more traditional and romantic but there they were naked in my bed.
i watch porn often, it is fun to watch. sometimes its very hot and others it is hilarious . porn will never be able to compete with women. the only times its better than women is when the women are a complete pain to be around. i would say that most women fit in that category.
don’t call us lazy, we are just not that interested in you. women from other countries (mexico, uruguay, peru) respond well to romance, i have verified this myself. and now i am sure that will never date an american woman again. the only man that put up with american women are desperate lonely types that american women don’t even want.
if you want a romantic dinner at a fancy restaurant, pay for it. you want it, so you should get it yourself. or are you too lazy to spend so much hard earned cash on something pointless that wont really give you anything of value in return. just overpriced wine and a stale dinner.
May 8th, 2008 at 1:01 pm
Are you, your friends, and your dating pool simply getting older?
Everything you’ve written above condenses to a statement of unhappiness that recent behaviour of men around you does not meet your expectations of adoration and worship. No doubt those expectations were set in years past, where (younger) men, literally driven mad by hormones, would play any game and endure any irrational demand just to be with you, without evaluation of their own health and feelings. As men get older and have more relationships, they have more interest in the realities of the happiness of both people, rather than endless self-sacrifice for the benefit of a woman’s self-validation (”i am whatever metric of woman i want to be as proven by what men will subject themselves to in order to be with me”).
Lazy? Maybe. Disinterested in running a gauntlet? Most assuredly.
May 8th, 2008 at 1:04 pm
Wow, you should read the comments on the reddit link to this blog entry. This one is the best:
“I was going to write an elaborate rebuttal, but I’ll sum it up quickly. You’re an idiot.”
Cherie Amour says: Wow, good one! “You’re an idiot” is really the best one to you? So witty and funny I can hardly contain myself. You sure do have a dry sense of humor!
I personally prefer: “Bartender, I’d like to buy that woman a tall glass of “shut the fuck up…” Now THAT’S funny.
May 8th, 2008 at 1:04 pm
this is really inane.
May 8th, 2008 at 1:09 pm
You are an Obama fan I take it?
May 8th, 2008 at 1:11 pm
I like how you say “Isn’t dating supposed to be all about sharing and collaboration?” yet you refuse to share the bill. Hm.
Porn is not a substitute for sex, it doesn’t include another person, it doesn’t include touching, it doesn’t include satisfying another person (or sometimes the illusion of satifying another person). Nor is porn a substitute for a relationship, it doesn’t fulfill the social needs that relationships do, it doesn’t provide companionship, it does not provide someone to confide to, to share your fortunes and misfortunes with.
I don’t know whether or not men are getting lazy, but accepting the argument, I don’t think porn is a possible reason. Rap music? I think that was a joke, if it wasn’t.. it should be.
If I was to theorize why men are getting lazy (if they are, again I’m not convinced) I would say that things are changing, as they always have. You’re assuming that you are, in terms of girls, a jackpot. Whether this is true or not I have no comment, but I do know that many women are duds. Yes, it’s true, for every disappointing man out there, there is an equally disappointing woman to match him.
Why spend the money on dinner with her if you’re not sure how great she is? If she has a problem with that, or thinks you’re cheap.. that’s a sure sign that she isn’t. Plus, many men are constantly on the look out for women that want nothing but their money, so bringing up any complaints on not spending enough money on them before you’ve had a few dates and you will be pinned as one of those women.
May 8th, 2008 at 1:19 pm
I think you should have rephrased your comment to read something like, “…avoid like the plague men who are too cute.” You said, “…avoid men who are too cute like the plague.”
Your sentence makes the plague sound cute, and we all know it wasn’t.
May 8th, 2008 at 1:21 pm
I think you are probably fat.
May 8th, 2008 at 1:25 pm
I must say that I am guilty of the same behaviors that you are talking about in your post. However, I don’t regret a moment of it.
Like other posters have pointed out– we men will take the shortest path to our destination…every time. Period. Along those same lines, if you want equality, than you should be the aggressor from time to time. You should pay from time to time. You should make the first move from time to time. You can’t have your cake and eat it too.
In today’s world, women recognize that they can live without a man and take care of themselves just fine. Well guess what? Men recognize the SAME thing about women– porn helps, yes. But it’s not the only reason we are more laid back about everything. It actually has more to do with the fact that women respond to the “less is more” philosophy. Meaning– the less attention we give you, the more you want us. The less we initiate sex with you, the more you want us. The less we give you the time of day, the more you want us.
Now I know you are going to write me off as being a chauvinist, but I’m not. I used to be “the nice guy” until I found myself not getting laid but 5 or 6 times a year— now I barely try and it seems like women just come to me….anyway, good luck to you. Maybe you just haven’t found the right man yet.
May 8th, 2008 at 1:27 pm
Look sweetheart, men opened doors and picked up the tab when we there gender roles. That came along with you staying home and taking care of the kids. It was a balance for eons.
Then you all became empowered. Now you get the same pay, compete for the same jobs, yada yada. Why the hell am I going to invest in the competition
You wanted equal rights, well baby you have it. The good the bad and everything else. Now split the damn check
May 8th, 2008 at 1:31 pm
this is just another effect of feminism.
May 8th, 2008 at 1:38 pm
It seems more like a cultural and social sex-role inertia in your own mind than a real problem to me.
Feminism had become a reality, and yet you expect men to remain the same. Equality doesn’t just mean that woman should enjoy all the benefit it brings but none of the responsibilities. The roles of women in relationship also need to become equal.
In my own personal experience, this sex-role inertia is deeply embedded in most woman’s minds. Female are making almost the same amount of money as men, have higher graduation rates, have longer average life span, and yet, when I went out and dated woman, very rarely do they offer to pay. Why? Is it a man’s sole responsibility to pay for dates? Are woman not getting any joy out of the company of man? Just ask yourself, how ridiculous that sounds to someone who truly have equality in their mindset.
Human beings are all lazy in nature. Men especially so. There is no longer any reason why a man must do what they did in the past, because we have the equality mentality now. Most woman, like yourself, seem to be lacking in the evolution of feminism. With equal power comes equal responsibilities. Get this into your head.
May 8th, 2008 at 1:39 pm
trollop
May 8th, 2008 at 1:41 pm
I think you hit the nail on the head.
I live in a neighborhood with a high density of young professionals and a university is a couple miles away. It’s a destination neighborhood for people in the city on a sunny day because of the lake/park that the neighborhood surrounds… Lots of single people around here.
Anyway, I started noticing that there lots of single women running around the park but waaay fewer single men running than there used to be even just a couple years ago.
I thought about why there is a disparity and I concluded that it’s easy access to porn. Why bother to go out and collect some mental images of women for the “spank bank” when a milieu is readily available.
And if they do chat some women up at a local tavern or something, if things don’t go swimmingly, big deal — those women are just one of many, many.
I think the “Girls’ Union” has some competition and trying to argue that guys should stay away from the digital bliss for the sake of the species just isn’t going to work.
Very entertaining post, by the way….
May 8th, 2008 at 1:42 pm
Ah hahahahahaha!!!
Wow. A women who is complaining over having to assume some of the burdens men have carried ever since the industrial age began.
You can’t have your equality and eat it too.
Man up!
May 8th, 2008 at 1:49 pm
I travel a lot and have come to believe that American women are not very feminine and, consequently, fail to evoke chivalry in men. I get along with american women well when doing business with them, but bedding one is almost…like taking a man to bed. You’ve lost your feminity and have become not much more than a place.
Try softening your behaviour. Be proud you are female, revel in it instead of trying to be “masculine”. Best of luck - i hope you find happiness, but i don’t believe you will with your attitude.
May 8th, 2008 at 1:50 pm
I understand the desire for equality and all the good things that used to go with inequality, but that’s over for you.
We (men) have accepted you as equals, which is what we should do and what women have wanted. Now it’s time for you to step up and act as an equal ALL THE TIME.
The market value of inside plumbing has changed and it’s time for you to pull your head from your cute little backside and (to coin a phrase) MAN UP!
May 8th, 2008 at 1:55 pm
I’ve had my share of “thank you for cleaning my pipes” right after sex… the laying on his back with his member out not even taking all his clothes off and waiting to be serviced….
it’s not porn, unfortunately… I really wish it was.. but it’s not. It’s women’s fault, yes.. and hear me out, cause the truth may sting… we give in too easy, we let these things happen… we get so caught up in the shock of them pulling stunts like that, that half the time we allow it… most of us have really LOW self esteems, and we allow this behavior… there just aren’t enough women who are putting their feet down and that is why this happens… we just end up settling, like the guy we’re seeing is the last man on earth…
honestly women… pull your shit together, don’t sell yourself short, and have enough self respect and courage to say no to those pricks at THE FIRST SIGN of this crap… no waiting around for the to change…
easier said and done in a society where you have to be perfect in every way… a perfect professional, a perfect body, perfect face… but when you look at it, who are the biggest critics really? women are more critical of each other then men really are… so if we reverse the roles and make us to be the best thing since sliced bread, and gain some confidence as individuals not as victoria secret models with Miss south carolina IQ then you’ll see a rapid change.
There is some truth about not putting out will get you the furthest, that’s how it was in the old days… and that’s why the gentlemen prevailed… it took a long time, slow degradation to get to this point… it will not be overnight to change it “back”…. realize that now most chicks give it up on the first date, date being going to a starbucks cause it’s fast and cheap… come on… men test us as much as we test them… the difference is… if we fail their tests, they move on… physically or mentally…. we “forgive” and hope it gets better by having their baby …
May 8th, 2008 at 1:55 pm
Men getting lazy? MEN?
Women have never been required by unspoken social mandate to initiate and uphold the dating process. That has always been in the hands of men.
Women have never been required to read the minds of men, know exactly what they want, and then act with precision and grace on those telepathic insights, lest they completely trounce their chances of ever being loved, let alone get laid once in awhile. That has always been in the hands of men.
Here’s an idea for you, sweetheart. Why don’t you get up off your fucking ass and do something about it, instead of berating men anonymously on the internet? Stop acting like its our job to impress you, and get out there and see what it’s really like to have to jump through flaming hoops just to get a little affection once in awhile. If you care so little about relationships that you can’t even be bothered to be upfront with men about what you want, you don’t get to call us lazy.
Take responsibility for your own happiness for a change, hypocrite.
May 8th, 2008 at 1:58 pm
“Each and every perfectly and nothing more than average guy I’ve come across lately acts like he’s the best thing since sliced bread. Like I should be hanging on his every move with bated breath even though he’s making no effort whatsoever.”
Oh, you mean like a woman? men are acting like women?
Go and dig a hole for you ego somewhere in the sand.
May 8th, 2008 at 2:01 pm
“I’ve had guys ask me to pay my share on a first date”
Outrageous! Who ever heard of such a thing!
Women can’t earn or even handle money!
May 8th, 2008 at 2:02 pm
Absolutely Not!! So the tables turned and now the women actually have to make an effort to get the men they want and not the other way around.
Boo Hoo. Cry me a river.
May 8th, 2008 at 2:05 pm
Oh no, so in summary putting out isn’t enough anymore?
Maybe you and your girlfriends need to get some personality of your own now that porn has made men less desperate for sex and you have to bring something else to the table.
Or if you like you can stop having opinions, stop writing about them online, and go back to the good old days when a nice gentleman would take care of all that for you and get your dinner and a movie without you having to split the bill or call him.
May 8th, 2008 at 2:06 pm
“Trouble. Because who can’t afford $15? That was a test, and he failed.”
HAHAHAHAHAHA
Try writing the article after you get out of high school .
May 8th, 2008 at 2:06 pm
With all due respect ma’am, you are batshit crazy. And will die alone.
Surrounded by cats.
May 8th, 2008 at 2:08 pm
Men are not getting lazy, Men are just catching on.You and most American women just are not worth the effort. End of story.
May 8th, 2008 at 2:15 pm
I feel like my brain just imploded. Men should be avoiding women like the author as if they were the plague. No, men have not become as lazy as you might believe, but we have become better adapted to weeding out the bullshit. There are still women out there worth perusing, sadly they are few in numbers. Thank you for generalizing 50% of the population with your lack of intelligence.
May 8th, 2008 at 2:19 pm
Men are becoming women. Women are becoming men.
May 8th, 2008 at 2:21 pm
Maybe men seem like they’re getting lazier because you and your friends are getting older. Men are less likely to put effort into older chicks, because they’re worth less than younger ones.
May 8th, 2008 at 2:21 pm
austinite has a point - not necessarily only in the instance of age.
As I man, I can say that dating for a couple weeks is fun. After a month it can get expensive and then further - consistently trying to impress women who claim equality but get in a twist over a dinner bill gets incredibly old. The easiest way to weed the over-expectant women out is to start splitting the cost of meeting them.
Complaining that women get paid less has nothing to do with the issue. Go on cheaper dates. I’ve been on amazing dates for the exact price of $0. One of my best first dates ever: Dinner at a cheap diner, a stop in a quiet bar and a stroll along the beach until sunrise. Total cost - about $20 (my 10 for dinner, her 10 for drinks).
When in a relationship, I love to pay and buy my girl things and I love it when she does the same. When I’ve known the woman for all of 5 hours, what incentive do I really have to be the sole investor in the whole evening?
I’m a fan of equality - across the board. I’ll buy the dinner if you pay for the movie or drinks after. Anything more and I feel like I’m paying for your company. And if I should pay for your company, then I expect to be able to negotiate price and define the context said company entails, just as I would with any other product or service I purchase.
As for the guy who was a little too “laid back” at the first sexual effort, there’s some missing information. Did your friend lay back and ignore the check at every dinner? Did the guy have to make all the phone calls and all the plans? Did he have to shut up and listen constantly in order to make sure he wasn’t going to become “good for only one thing”?
I don’t know enough about the situation ,but there’s potential that your friend may having been leaning back in the “serve-me” position for some time. While he might have been better off putting forth more effort, technically he may have just been asking for a bit of equality of his own.
As for porn making men lazy… it’s a hell of a lot easier and cheaper to handle one’s own business than it is to go out and try to impress a woman who expects to be impressed.
I wouldn’t mind being a bit more impressed once in a while. I’ve thought “Ummm, I’m gonna need for you to be quiet now” plenty of times and never even bothered to find out if they were only “good for one thing.”
May 8th, 2008 at 2:21 pm
You’re an idiot. Thought you’d like to know.
May 8th, 2008 at 2:28 pm
Say it with me, “You are a vapid cunt.”
May 8th, 2008 at 2:29 pm
Oh, shut up! I am a woman and this infuriates me.
Women want equality, right?
But, men have to keep paying for dates, opening doors for us as if we were disabled and satisfy every little capricious little tantrum, attention whoring or ‘hard to get’ mood… or else they are not good? Men aren’t clowns nor ego-trips. This I know and maybe it is why I am happily married to one. Hypocrites. Those who whine don’t deserve a clitoris.
May 8th, 2008 at 2:34 pm
Well, apparently this male wasn’t too lazy to notice that you were too lazy to learn how to spell. I wonder what made all those axes so evil? Was it all the trees they cut down?
And if you get down to it, females are just as guilty of many of the things you mention. You just don’t see it since you aren’t dating them
Cherie Amour says: But apparently this male WAS too lazy (or was it too smug?) to understand that I was referring to the plural of ‘axis’, which is in fact ‘axes’. I was using the plural because I was talking about axes (pl!) of evil and 100 year wars. ‘Wars’ is the plural of war in case you needed help on that one too.
If y’all wanna talk your smack about my post, go ahead, but I simply will not stand by and be wrongly accused of poor spelling. Unacceptable.
I hear you about women having our ‘issues’ though, never said we were perfect!
May 8th, 2008 at 2:36 pm
Hey, wait second….hold up here gents….hold up…
What about the girl who works, cooks, cleans, looks great, hits the gym, takes care of the kids, and rolls out the red carpet for her man.
The one who pays for golf lessons, encourages poker nights, and nevere says no to sex from her guy???
Is she entitled to be taken care of here??? Believe it or not, lots of woman are reverting back to staying at home, taking care of the kids, and providing that “june cleaver” stability. Yes, some of us chart our own course and are buisness savoy with career in mind…but most I know are like myself. Able to do both, and now simply want a thank you and have you do something for us to make us feel good.
Porn, irrelevant…
but I do think…in most cases boys… chivelry has died. Respect is an after thought, and treating each other how we wish to be treated has become and thing of the past….
Let me tell you…WE will do MORE, and ENJOY every second when WE are made to feel taken care of…it’s a win win for you all day long…..
May 8th, 2008 at 2:39 pm
With all these modern conveniences in the last decade or so, it’s easy to meet and communicate with more people more often. Women and men alike can cast a much wider net and are getting better at drilling down to what they really want in a mate. Conversely, people are getting better at identifying what they don’t want.
Because of this, the bar *has* raised. The man across the table from you has exposure to many more women than before, and his interest will need to be piqued by stronger stimulus than just independent thoughts and some vocab words. Today’s dating pools are not the same as previous generations’, they’re far bigger.
That goes both ways, of course. Both of you are more confident that if it this one doesn’t pan out, there’s plenty more fish in the sea, and that creates a lax attitude _while at the same time_ raising the bar for how impressive you need to be to the other person. To me this is a good thing overall. I’d never want to be in a relationship that started with an “element of desperation in the chase”. Desperation is the death of desire. Maybe (I hope) the word you meant in that case wasn’t desperation but, in fact, -desire-.
Dating’s still fun, and just taking from what you wrote, it sounds like men and women both are approaching dating as something to have fun with. Meaning both sides are looking for less effort, fewer annoyances, and yet make sure they still get more of what they want. The women want men to needlessly splurge on dinner “upsells” as a sign of going out of their way to please you, men want to take their clothes off, lie down and get comfy for the evening’s entertainment. There’s no desperation anymore to “make this work”, from either side. Both sides are more attuned to what they want in a person, and will know it’s not super “the one” chemistry at work here, but you get along well enough so might as well have some fun until the aggravations get to be too much. Porn enhances this carefree attitude because it takes some of the sting out of sexual needs.
Is it logical and sound to get lazy and less considerate just because you know the person you’re dating isn’t setting all the bells off inside your head and heart? Probably not. Do most people do it anyway? Of course. But when the right person does come around, *anyone* will cut the crap and do their best to please, impress, praise and love them. Desire will still burn as hot as ever, and it will have fewer false positives as it used to (because there’s less -desperation- driving 9t).
Are men getting lazy? EVERYONE is getting lazy. That’s what technology allows us to DO.
May 8th, 2008 at 2:51 pm
As a man of 25 years, i must say, that i have never dated ever in my entire life. the reason being is that i cannot trust almost any woman at all. for years i had seen from my point of view women seeing men as nothing but objects for them to command and earn them money, and to praise and please them as if they were princesses and queens. well were the fuck is your fucking kingdom? i don’t see a castle or horses and servants around you, so you must be demented. and this whole women not being paid as much as a man deal, seriously, if you aren’t willing to do the kind of work a man is of course you are gonna get paid less. i know women that make more than i do in the same work, and i don’t bitch about it. i’m just glad i even have a job.
and you want to have equality and yet to have men remain the same as before? are you fucking shitting me? i have to impress some twat by jumping through hoops and shelling out my hard earned cash on food she could probably get herself and some entertainment that i probably hate to please her even though she could have gone to the same thing with friends that actually want to see what ever crap it is? what the hell for? marriage in the future? why the hell do i want to do that? it sure as shit ain’t as romantic and sacred as it used to be. hell it doesn’t even look fun either. im stuck with the same person all day every day and night, having to bow to her needs and wants. whats that dear? i have to sell my mustang becuase you want a VW Beetle? i can’t buy the 27″ flat screen with the money i fucking earned and instead have to spend it on shit you want?
i see marriage as nothing more than an elaborate event to legally bind a parasite to my ass for the rest of my life, even with a divorce. especially if there are kids involved. holy shit, now we got smaller parasites to deal with. i mean good god, why does anyone even want kids anymore? ” they’re a joy to have!” yes, if by joy you mean spending 3 or 4 years with almost no sleep, cleaning poop, and buying toys. you see a bundle of joy i see a bundle of nightmare and hell for the next 18-30 years stacked on top of the nightmare i get with a wife.
and porn? a cop out, thats stuff has been around for decades. and i don’t care if computers made it loads easier to get porn. if a man wanted it bad enough back then he damn well would have hunted hard enough to get it. and besides that, porn isn’t even the same, masturbation is fun for only so long.
good god i gotten more joy out of solitude then having to spend 10 minutes with some whiny cunt who moans that men aren’t chilvarous anymore. its cause women killed it! dating is to get to know a person anyways, i could have done that at work when we are bored, why do that with my wallet on the line? why bother with all that work with little payout, when i could just go to some bar and pick up a hot girl with low self esteem for the night. why do all that work when there’s an easier way of doing things? we men do not see the need to make things harder on ourselves. life’s already hard enough why make it harder.
May 8th, 2008 at 2:54 pm
I’ll tell you what’s going on:
“Men getting lazy” translates to -> “Men perceive less incentives to try”
You blame this on porn. Probably accounts for
May 8th, 2008 at 2:55 pm
Lazy enough to not read that entry of biblical proportions.
May 8th, 2008 at 2:55 pm
You know after seeing two girls one cup, I didn’t think the internet could offer me anything more offensive; guess I was wrong.
I think between the illiteracy and the childish way you chose to articulate your points, you could use a nice fat and ugly cock enema.
Even if this post was aimed at humor, you failed in such an epic way that I hope the Onion takes you post and hams it up a bit more; just to rub in what a frigid cunt you are.
May 8th, 2008 at 3:03 pm
Women. Why are men stopping being nice? Because you have, TIME AND TIME AGAIN, FUCKED OVER THE NICE GUYS. YOU WANT US TO NOT BE DOUCHEBAGS? STOP USING US AS YOUR EMOTIONAL DUMPING GROUNDS THEN RUNNING OFF WITH MOODY ASSHOLES.
This is a problem of your own creation.
May 8th, 2008 at 3:04 pm
Actually no, wait, I don’t think this post is serious. How can it be, it is like the complete antithesis of what is rational and sane.
May 8th, 2008 at 3:15 pm
I’m not lazy. It’s great!!
Making a girl happy is much easier than it used to be. The bar, in some ways, does seem to be lower.
The annoying side of male/female equality is the phone. Times were, a woman would never call a man. In my last 8 years of dating, I think the ratio of calls is about 20:1. Yes, women seem to enjoy constant communication, while my idea of a good conversation is every other day.
But, you’re missing another point. Women seem lazier as well. Seems like the distribution of female effort really broadened. The high-effort femmes seem to work even harder, while the low-effort chiquitas seem to work even less than before. What gives?
May 8th, 2008 at 3:18 pm
I’ll tell you what’s going on:
“Men getting lazy” translates to -> “Men perceive less incentives to try”
You blame this on porn. Probably accounts for less than 1% of the issue. Men have had porn for decades and were fappin’ away for millennia before that with their imaginations. Porn is not a proper substitute for sex. Easy sex and better women, however, ARE a substitute for the likes of you.
What is actually happening here is that the quality of the women is diminishing, and thus our incentive. It used to be that we chased and romanced women so that we could marry a woman who was both a great wife and a great mother to our offspring. This meant that we sought women who were beautiful and good company, but also women that knew how to keep a house and raise good children.
For some reason (I suppose greener grass) Feminists thought that leaving the house and slaving away in an office or factory somewhere was “liberating”. They saw a glamour or freedom to work which simply doesn’t exist in 99% of the jobs men did and do. In fact, us men were just fulfilling the other half of the equation that makes a healthy and secure family. Sure, it had some upsides, but there are many downsides that you women still don’t fully appreciate.
Now I’m all for educated women who have equal rights, but when that means that they think they can have their cake and eat it, I’m not. Equality means equality. It doesn’t mean you can pick and choose what you want to be equal on. If you want to work along side men, then you should expect to also bear the same responsibilities. That means you should also hold open doors, pay for dinner, ask for dates, etc etc.
You see, the modern American woman thinks that she should be treated like a lady where it suits her, and receive all the benefits of being a man at the same time. You think that you can shirk the qualities of a good mother and keeper of the house, whilst at the same time appearing as attractive a marriage proposition to men as you used to be. It’s just simply not the case. Building a family is a team effort, and whether you like it or not, our sexual differences have evolved to specialise in the different responsibilities that building that family requires. We slave away in crap jobs knowing that we are getting satisfaction for providing for our wives and kids so that they can enjoy as comfortable a life as possible. When you women forsake your side of the bargain you are no longer worth our trouble.
Why would any man in his right mind spend excessive effort and money pursuing a woman who can’t cook or clean, will divorce us after 5 years taking our house, kids, and half our income for 20 years? You want to know why we’re “lazy”? It’s because you’re not worth the bloody effort. You think your company or something on the date is why we want you? No! We date you because we are looking for an attractive woman to marry. And the fact is, the modern American woman is the worst marriage material on the planet.
“Never take down a fence until you know for sure why it was put up.”
- Chesterton
May 8th, 2008 at 3:21 pm
a few things
1) You take forever to make anything resembling a point.
2) Women are not blameless for this sensation you are describing.
3) You have the voice of a woman who is past her expiration date and does not realize it.
May 8th, 2008 at 3:26 pm
If I were a woman this article would make my vagina angry. “All for equality” my ass. This bs is why men act the way they do. ou’re clearly willing to let a man pursue you, pay for everything and take care of everything in bed. It amuses me that it’s absurd for a man to be on bottom during sex the first time(I’m a top myself), even though that’s pretty much what every woman does. Why is it a negative thing for either sex? If men are getting lazy(read: falling out of traditional roles) it’s probably because women are doing the same.
May 8th, 2008 at 3:29 pm
it sounds like your biological clock is ticking and you want to find a provider to be impregnated by.
May 8th, 2008 at 3:41 pm
In my experience men (at least my friends and I) treat women exactly how they deserve to be treated. And after reading this article, I stand by my male compatriots for treating you like a stuck up, superficial, hypocritical gold-digger whose only true ability is to blame others for their own short-comings.
And learn what the fuck a “concise argument” is. It’s the Internet for Christ’s sake.
May 8th, 2008 at 3:46 pm
Women like you are not worth the effort…too needy, too confrontative, too many high expectations, too self-pitying not to mention too egocentric. Why bother investing the time to date, so that you can have sex with, a femenazi that derides and criticizes your every move? There are MILLIONS of beautiful young women who are fun and easier to please, date and have sex with than femenazis. Don’t blame porn or rap as there are many smart, funny, wealthy, easygoing, good-looking women that have no problem getting dates. In fact men fight over them. Blame yourself! But of course, you cannot.
May 8th, 2008 at 4:13 pm
Don’t listen to the people who tell you that your writing is too verbose; you definitely take the scenic route towards your points, but it’s /nice/ scenery and there’s nothing wrong with that.
Do listen to people who are saying that the disincentives to make an effort go far beyond porn. Our widened dating pools make sex much easier to find, and our improved communications make it easier to isolate and apply successful dating strategies. That God’s-gift-to-women strategy that you find so irritating is a product of that. You may not like it, but you’re in the minority, so why should they care? Even if you won’t give them the time of day, plenty of other women will, and they’re not hard to reach.
The single biggest improvement in my dating prowess came when I began to treat the women I approached as interchangable. It wasn’t true, of course, but it worked so well that it was a deeply seductive mental model. Perhaps someday this strategy will founder, but I doubt it; as individual women grow immune to it they are replaced by fresh innocents.
All /you/ can do is look for men without a great deal of dating experience: widowers, nerds, and other people as confounded by the modern protocols as you are. That’s what I did, and although you’ll have to endure all kinds of annoyances, the rewards are ultimately worth it.
Cherie Amour says: David, thanks for your comment! It takes a strong man to not get caught up in the mob mentality, even if it is a virtual one. and i agree with you, i need to be on the lookout for good guys (and by ‘good’ i mean have a lot of money and are physically attractive ;0) ) JUST KIDDING - since apparently i need to spell it out for a lot of people. i mean good, honest, smart, nice, funny guys.
May 8th, 2008 at 4:14 pm
Quite the wordsmith. Impressive. The language alone makes me think you must be hot. Not, Cute hot, or I wanna screw you hot, but funny, Garafalo, witty, takes no prisoners, whip off the glasses, and unfurl the hair, Marianne the librarian hot. Yeah, you be hot. Regardless of whatever. Keep on writing.
PS. loved the plan B reference. “Our Plan B is way better than your Plan A.”
Cherie Amour says: thanks Frank. so you DON’T wanna screw me? and I’m NOT cute hot? ;0) Very upsetting to my conceited superficial cougar disgrace to humanity gold digging prostitute mind. I’ll try to get over it, but only if you pay for my extravagant lifestyle and are physically attractive since that’s all I find important in life.
Your assessment of me is pretty straight on too! I DO use the glasses from time to time and the hair IS furled. Maybe a little more Tina Fey/ Sarah Silverman/ Gabrielle Reese-ish than Janeane-esque though.
May 8th, 2008 at 4:28 pm
So, I didn’t even have to finish this article. It’s fairly obvious what you’re saying.
Really, this all can be summed up in one sentence.
YOU’RE A WHORE.
Are nice things and fancy dinners all that matter to you? Men aren’t getting lazy, we’re just sick of dealing with greedy bitches. As long as a woman feels that it’s okay simply to expect everything and give nothing in return, there can’t be a relationship. It’s just you being a whore.
Please, keep your stupid prostitute ideas to yourself and get off our internet. You give humanity a bad name.
May 8th, 2008 at 4:39 pm
“1950’s Girl Says:
(…)Let me tell you…WE will do MORE, and ENJOY every second when WE are made to feel taken care of…it’s a win win for you all day long…..”
I think what you need is your daddy… or sugar daddy. Not a husband. Pimps are easy to find, just take your pick.
Yeah, there’s a lot of women like you now a days; standing in corners. Legal prostitutes. And no, I am not a guy.
May 8th, 2008 at 4:53 pm
Wow.. a lot of grumpy men.
There are many possible reasons. For one, dating is tiring for men. As men and women get older the men get more tired and the women think it’s all because of them becoming less attractive. So what was a silly ignorance actually hurts women later. The attractive qualities and flirting and teasing of women certainly partly motivate men to jump through hoops, and women know this and use it as a measure. But also men may just get exhausted and need you to “make it easy”. You’ve just got to place your “dates” in context to figure out what the problem is.
I have dated for a while now. I don’t think women know how to tease much anymore either. Maybe it’s because of porn too. Personally I think it has more to do with the fact that anyone can go on the internet to rant when they feel some tension, instead of introspectively trying to find sexual solutions to those everyday tensions. Do that and you’ll have some hustle in reserve when you get a chance to score.
You have to have some guts to step beyond the norm but I’m sure the booty will be good, like you hope, once you do. Good luck.
May 8th, 2008 at 5:00 pm
Feminists of the world unite!!!
May 8th, 2008 at 5:14 pm
Hooray for romanticizing a generalization that spans a gender, generation, and gyration that the author has ‘proven’ little personal experience with.
May 8th, 2008 at 5:21 pm
No, you change.
May 8th, 2008 at 5:30 pm
guys, guys, guys. calm down. This is quite obviously a Hillary supporter in camouflage. She’s just putting on a mind-blowing display of stupidity and outdated stereotypes while at the same time, trying to subtly bring in an Obama catchphrase every now and then.
She’s expecting people to point out how incredibly stupid she must be and then pick up on the fact that she supports Obama and conclude that all Obama supporters must be infantile idiots comparable to this travesty of a human being. She might even be a Clinton staffer who was put up to this.
For shame Hillary. For shame.
seriously though, she can’t *really* be this unaware and stupid…..right? …right?
May 8th, 2008 at 5:33 pm
In the time it took you to write this article, you could have been out proving your own theories wrong. Maybe the title should be “Do I publicly speculate too much?”
May 8th, 2008 at 5:45 pm
Yup, you’re right. It is the porn. Long ago, I used to be that guy: work hard to get a date, weather through a room full of rejections, plan the date, plan how to end the date, plan the next move, spend the money, be on top of my game, be funny and cocky but still be respectful in this ultra-feminism charged atmosphere, make the move without getting accused of date rape, navigate female emotional games, on and on. Frankly, sometimes porn is easier.
May 8th, 2008 at 5:46 pm
Grab me a 6 pack from the fridge will you?
May 8th, 2008 at 6:26 pm
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May 8th, 2008 at 6:34 pm
You know, there’s really only one question I’d like answered: Is this meant to be satirical? I mean, it certainly doesn’t come off as satire. Usually when a person writes a satirical piece they try to inject little clues that let readers know that, “Yea, I’m bullshittin’ you.” But while this piece was rather insane and out there, it never actually got to a point where I can say without a doubt, “OOOOH, it’s a joke.”
But there’s that one line “No Fox News story here. This is The Onion quality.” Are we supposed to take this to mean that this is a joke? That isn’t really much of a hint if you’re going to write a gigantic piece like this.
May 8th, 2008 at 6:55 pm
What a shortsighted view. Men have not changed significantly in 5,000 years, nor have women.
Men can have as many babies as they want, so their best evolutionary strategy is to impregnate as many women as possible. Women can only have approximately 1 baby per year, so their best evolutionary strategy is to find one man with good genes and have many offspring with said man. If they find a better man, they can switch partners, but this will happen infrequently (say, once per baby).
Any sense of conflict between the sexes stems from the apparent incompatibility of these two strategies. All cultural factors are secondary, and the factors you listed are tertiary to nonexistent.
This fact has not changed since humans first existed, though it will soon, with the advent of widespread genetic engineering.
May 8th, 2008 at 7:29 pm
You want equality but want men to pay for the first date? LOL. We might pay for the date once we are in a relationship, but you are a total stranger on the first date! How about realizing that men are the generous ones, we are the breadwinners! You claim a man who wants to share the bill on the first date isn’t good for fathering your child- LOL, how does he know you’re not using him for a free meal? Come on … grow up!
May 8th, 2008 at 7:33 pm
You have a point. If you’ve ever tried online dating as a woman, you’ve probably gotten tons of emails that were obvious cut-and-paste jobs. Guys can’t even take the time anymore to write something a little bit personalized. Hell, there’s even software out there that customizes a “template” - for the lazy ones (Google for ‘online dating emails generator’). Guys, why do you expect us to reply if you can’t even be bothered to write anything original at all? It doesn’t even have to be long…
May 8th, 2008 at 7:33 pm
I think you make quite a lot of good points, but I, like the majority of commenters, believe you’re conceited. Most of the things I would tell you have already been written by my fellow redditors though.
Now, if I were to date a woman like you, what would the benefits be? Judging from the article, I couldn’t see anything someone would find attractive in a partner, as you don’t seem to offer much but slightly more than a long-term prostitute with a need to be entertained. Maybe guys are getting lazier, I know I am, only because I’m tired of trying so hard in the relationship for it to end up crashing to nothing in the end with the girl getting off scot-free (because she contributed nothing to the relationship (because she was a bitch(God damn Katherine.))) and why would someone want to risk that? Pornography gives the sexual gratification guys need without trying.
The most important things I’d like you to think about are, what’s wrong with guys not trying as hard? Have you ever thought that maybe chasing women is tiring? Why should a guy have to call you? Is it because you conform with this unfeminist aspect of society because it benefits you, or is it because you don’t truly believe in equality? And most important of all , Why is chivalry stopping? Because as soon as women stopped being objects, men stopped treating them like their prized possessions.
May 8th, 2008 at 7:41 pm
I’m sorry for the above comment, I didn’t realize your website was a joke.
May 9th, 2008 at 4:22 am
Porn is so not the issue. For real. Come on. The issue is that people are scared to be friendly. Girls want to be equal but really dont. They want to be chased on some level. Imagine your whole article but write it from a man perspective. Wont happen. Men dont go on about this sort of thing.
I guess I have jumped the gun and really it can be simplified. People are too different and diverse. Some women want to be wined and dined and some just want a direct approach. Which makes it hard to approach women. Really women need to approach men too and not be so tough when someone makes eye contact. Its the same in the states as it is in Australia. So stop complaining … and playing f in games … get out there and be friendly and forward and honest!!!!!
May 9th, 2008 at 5:32 am
Where can I get one of these Axes of Evil? Those sound pretty cool.
Cherie Amour says: “It’s the PLURAL of Axis. I was referring to Axes of Evil (the plural), and 100 Year Wars (again the plural). In context it makes sense. I was obviously speaking figuratively however, I don’t really think there are more than one. Sorry to disappoint you, I know how good it must make you feel to make fun of someone even without reading closely enough to warrant if your comment makes sense.
May 9th, 2008 at 6:10 am
WOW, the venom on the comments is HARSH. This has to be satirical cuz you really pissed off Men with this piece.
Porn isn’t the problem!!! Broadband is. Back in the day, u have to wait 5 mins for that nekkid image of Pamela Anderson to download!! Now, if that video isn’t streaming me some ass to mouth in 30 seconds, I am outta here!! Ass to mouth?? What real woman can compete with that??
Now with Verizon giving 15 megs down and 5 megs up… good luck ladies.. the crazy shit u have to do to keep a man’s penis hard just got harder… ( pardon the pun)
May 9th, 2008 at 6:16 am
If you women go back to the way you were in the 50ies I might consider it.
May 9th, 2008 at 7:42 am
Seriously though, this article is full of common complaints anyone of either sex who dates a bit could make about a number of people they come in contact with. Let’s face it: humans suck.
The author’s sweeping generalization make for attention-grabbing writing (look at all those angry comments!) but they’re hardly scientific, thanks to the obvious flaws of “confirmation bias” and “anecdotal evidence”. Confirmation bias is the natural human tendency to remember the hits and forget the misses — once you form a theory like this, you tend to remember every detail that supports your theory, and turn a blind eye to anything that contradicts it.
Anecdotal evidence is widely misunderstood. I think the author says it best in the beginning when she says that the sheer amount of anecdotal evidence she’s collected is enough to prove her theory is “well outside any possible standard deviation”. That’s the funny thing about anecdotal evidence: numbers mean nothing. 10,000 people could tell me that smearing poop on their foreheads under a full moon cured their headaches, but it doesn’t make it so. Only a double-blind scientific study with peer review and valid controls could prove or disprove it.
But you guys posting shouldn’t get yourselves so worked up over something that announces itself as satire right off by saying it’s “[i]The Onion[/i] quality”. [i]The Onion[/i] is a satirical newspaper filled with fictional, often intentionally provocative, stories.
If I were to be a total pig, though, I’d say that any post where a woman complains about her lack of suitable dates is useless without pics.
Cherie Amour says: But you’re not a total pig, so i won’t take that last comment seriously. ;0)
You know, i MIGHT have considered posting a picture before, but after all the mean, nasty comments of people, would it really be wise to subject myself to more scrutiny? I could be a supermodel, and everyone would STILL be making fun of me for being “too skinny” “too tall” “too perfect. Where are all the flaws on your face??” and calling me names. I will NOT be going there, thank you very much.
Still I do applaud you for recognizing satire as satire, maybe if more of your counterparts could do the same they wouldn’t have their panties all in a bunch.
May 9th, 2008 at 8:41 am
Chivalry is dying? I’m sorry, but I don’t need a man to open my door or pay for my things for me to feel respected. Pimps do that all the time. Chivalry is not romantic; It is a way of exhibiting ‘women’s weaknesses’. Read up on chivalry through the decades those who like it. It is horribly, horribly machista. So much for allowing the media and movies to wash your brains, women. Shame, shame on you.
I can open my own door, thank you.
I am not that superficial when meeting a man.
Women watch porn, as well. But there is an emotional porn that is even worse than the sexual one that you condemn. Those so-called ‘girl-movies’ brain wash all women (hell, even me for some time in my teens) about what women ‘want’ in a relationship. THAT is worse than any kind of sexual porn men (or women) can watch. It doesn’t only distort reality, but it is fully acceptable.
May 9th, 2008 at 9:20 am
i think your political tangents distract from an overall message that i as a female SOLIDLY agree with! i love this.
-d
Cherie Amour says: Thanks, D! And I know that I do go off on tangents, I’ve actually been planning to shorten the posts too. Thanks for your feedback though.
May 9th, 2008 at 11:25 am
So you got battered by the comments here (some rude, but many with legitimate points against your frankly poor article) and decided to scuttle off under a rock and pretend your entire piece was satire. Sorry, but we know the difference between a piece that uses occasional humour and one that has an underlying sarcasm.
Whilst I find your defence weak, it is at least a clear admission. I hope for your sake that you learn some things from the comments here and understand that you are not the center of the universe.
Cherie Amour says - I’m not the center of a universe with bad, bad axes that cut down things? Why, however will I find a good looking man that has a lot of money then and can be chivalrous toward me?
And I don’t find saying that my piece was satirical a ‘clear admission’ of anything. I LOVE my article and stand by it.
May 9th, 2008 at 2:31 pm
Your article is essentially a rambling anecdotal nonsense about your own failings and how you perceive the rest of the world to be at fault for the manifestations. It clearly wasn’t satirically, and you claiming that it was in hindsight amounts to an admission of realisation. I have no problem with people who realise that perhaps they were full of shit, I do, however, find it particularly odious when people upon realising it, try slink under some pathetic defence as if it isn’t blatantly clear to the rest of us what’s up.
I’m sorry “Cherie Amour” (that’s a dumbass name by the way), but I highly doubt with your attitude and personality that you deserve “a good looking man that has a lot of money then and can be chivalrous”. It doesn’t matter if you are good looking yourself, because that would be effectively the only thing you have to offer. You’re American woman trash. There are millions more of you who think you’re entitled to something simply because you exist. Well tough shit, reality bites. Better hope you bag a dumb one before your tits start sagging, because then it’s game over for the likes of you.
Cherie Amour says: Wow, you really love women, don’t you. Such a wonderful guy you are. I wonder what terrible things have happened to you to have such hatred toward someone you don’t even know?
And once again, you’ve failed to see that I was making a joke when I referred to a “good looking man that has a lot of money and can be chivalrous.” I’m not surprised though, since unfortunately you appear to make judgments on things before seeing what they’re truly about.
May 9th, 2008 at 3:27 pm
I have punched the clock numerous times with the performing as the perfect man thing. Even though I was put-off by this semi-satire of yours, I have to admit that it has inspired me to see how high I can climb that mountain again.
Of course this time I won’t do it because I have no better choice. No one can take what I put into a date away from me this time. It’s no less risky because women are as crazy as ever. The difference this time is I don’t “need” it. At the very least I have porn.
I can’t force myself to be turned on by everyone though. Unattractive women, women paralyzed by nerves, ungrateful women…I won’t carry that burden on my self-esteem. I’m not a public service.
Cherie Amour says: You shouldn’t have to be a public service Mayor Quimby! I don’t think you have to put in your time as the ‘Perfect Man’ either, because that’s not what any of my friends or I want. We’re just looking for someone that we have a connection with, who’s fun and LOVE loves us. Which is probably exactly what you guys are looking for too. I hope you find it too Diamond Joe.