‘Others’
Ever since I started dating (aka a long ass time ago), men of different races, cultures and religions have appealed to me. I’ve been a serial Benetton dater for years, always mixed up with an ‘Other’, one way or another.
My college boyfriend and I were such an unlikely match physically and culturally that people asked if we were doing a project together on more than one occasion. Apparently the likelihood of us actually dating was so farfetched it didn’t even cross their minds. I don’t get why it was so shocking though. My major was International Relations after all. And what can I say … I took my studies seriously.
Maybe I chose that major because people can’t really tell where I’m from and I can ‘pass’ for a lot of different things? Or was it that my major chose me instead? Chicken or the egg, chicken or the egg?
Adding to the confusion I’m sure is that I speak Spanish, cook Persian food, and ‘my best friend is black’ (something I rarely say since it makes me sound like I’m straight out of White Supremacity, USA using it to backup some racist point of view:
“No, that’s policy’s not racist. Policies can’t be racist, only people can! (you know how they always focus on some wording issue that has nothing to do with it?) Trust me, I know what I’m talking about here. You are aware that ‘my best friend is black’, right? Counter that.
It’s kind of fun being a ‘questionable’ actually. My ethnicity is always the topic of the night when I’m out talking to guys at bars. I usually end up feeling bad though, because when they inevitably ask me where I’m from the hope on their faces is so obvious that my answer will be something ‘exotic’ they can brag to their friends about the next day:
“So I met this Brazilian girl last night…” (as they pause to make sure their friends give them credit where credit’s due)
And then there I go, cruelly shattering their fantasy:
Just your average white girl. Sorry. Wish I could help out more!
If the guy is nice, I usually add on a, “Well, I am Jewish, if that makes you feel any better. That’s something, right?” Or when I feel particularly magnanimous, I’ll give them something to hold on to like, “I’ve never met my dad either…so… anything’s possible!”
The topper was when this guy mistook me for being black though. Now that’s just absurd. He was a half black-half white student at Cal who thought I was mixed too. My guess is that since he didn’t looked mixed, he assumed there had to be other people out there like him who were mixed but didn’t look the part. Isn’t that interesting? Just goes to show you that we see and hear what we expect to see and hear. We each create a reality in our head that often has nothing to do with the real world.
So in the spirit of living in the real world where people stop being polite and start getting real, I thought we’d do a couple little spotlights on the races in the ‘Double D’s’ (that’s Dating Daze in case you don’t feel like doing the mental.) We can talk about the issues and idiosyncrasies that seem more prevalent in certain racial circles. Generally speaking of course.
Although, I must say that despite the subtle differences that exist, we all seem to be a lot more similar than we realize. People are people. No need for us to get so tribal about the whole thing. Do we not all stem from the same 12 tribes of Israel? (Shoot, I really hope we do, since you know my religious knowledge is very Palin-esque, i.e. limited at best and blatantly incorrect at worst.)
And nowadays, I’m just happy knowing that regardless of where my man comes from, he’ll always be an ‘Other’ to me. He’s a man, isn’t he? That’s enough.
I’m not going to tell you what Neighbor is either. (Besides perfect of course. ;0) His demographics are irrelevant though. They don’t matter in ‘my book’, which this literally will be provided I stop letting Facebook and On Demand derail me from ever finishing it.
It’s my sincere hope that in a few years interracial and interfaith dating will be so accepted and commonplace that we can move on to getting over guy/guy and girl/girl relationships too. Maybe race will pave the way for gender. Because everyone deserves to be happy, don’t you think?
Let’s not worry about it now though. If it’s right, love will find a way. Always.
