Dating Daze

So we’ve clarified that papis are the best at overall romance and seduction, right? Glad we got that one covered. Strangely enough however, they seem to have overlooked one very important element of the process entirely; the pickup line. Why they’re still ‘pssssssst’ ing and whistling away at women I’ll never understand. We have wireless Internet now guys; time to stop using that dial-up.

Perhaps they skip over the step altogether and just get right on in there to the nitty gritty? Well, I’m sure they have their reasons. Whatever they may be though, it’s a well-known fact that in a pickup line contest, black men will kick their asses all the way back to their country each and every time.

Yes, black men are the undisputed gold medalists when it comes to pickup lines, leaving everyone else in the dust. I wouldn’t be surprised if they have a catalog chock-full of them that they can quickly reference when necessary actually. And their best pickup lines always seem to be those that are race-based:

“Girl, you can be the milk in my coffee!”

“Vanilla just so happens to be my favorite flavor…”

“You should try everything ‘cajun style’ at least once…” (from a Louisiana Creole guy.)

And my personal favorite, “Are you down with brown?”

I can see why race shows up so often though. Black guys deal with race issues and racism every single day of their lives, so it makes sense that it’s at the forefront of their consciousness. It’s a lot. A big part of their experience in the world.

Because we all know that being a black man in America isn’t exactly a walk in the park. It can’t be easy not getting the respect you deserve and being referred to as “that one” even when you’ve done more good in this world than your opponent ever will and are a fricken United States Senator for goodness sake. You kind of deserve your hand to be shook.

I dated black guys for a while back in the day. Kind of took it to an extreme as a matter of fact. Went on a black binge and became a bonafide blackaholic. All things black. My friend was like, “Cherie, we need to talk. Black car, black jacket, black boyfriend… What’s happening to you!!”

During that time I was able to get a glimpse of what they go through, even though it only scratched the surface I’m sure. I saw how affected the guy I was dating would get when we were shopping at the mall (or the music store, or the jewelry store, you see, it happened a lot), and the salespeople were following him around like white on rice.

Or I would see the look on his face when a white person we were hanging out with told a story about someone and said, “…and the guy was black…” and then looked at the guy I was dating and said, “No offense” before continuing on.

Which was actually pretty hilarious, but a little scary at the same time. Because the white guy seemed to think that merely saying someone is black brings up negative connotations and is offensive in and of itself. And yes the white guy was from the South, but he was also a college student. At Berkeley.

Did you see the 20/20 where they did a race expose and interviewed kindergarten kids to see if racial prejudices and preferences were present at that age? The interviewers asked the kids questions like, “Who stole the money from the teacher’s purse, Jennifer or Jamal?” “JAMAL”, they each answered all fearful and wide-eyed. It runs deep. Forty years really isn’t that long if you think about it.

I kind of got over my infatuation though when I kept hearing from my black girlfriends about how hard it is to find good, viable black men. The statistics show it’s true, kind of slim pickings. There are more black men in jail and prison than there are in higher education. 42% of all black women have never been married. Did I really need to be contributing to the problem?

I also was a little turned off by how the cute, successful black men of the world seemed to know how high in demand they were. They had a variation of the ‘men who are too cute syndrome’. ‘Coach’, a black guy I dated who was the ‘youngest black college track and field coach in America’, (his words), was well aware of his options. He knew he was a hot commodity. Which kind of turned me off. I’m not into that.

Now don’t get me wrong, I’m not saying that if I met an Obama equivalent, (even though there aren’t many of those out there, he’s one in a million,) and he wanted to go the distance with me, I wouldn’t be all over that in a second. I’m not stupid.

Nor am I saying that the payoff can’t be immense if he’s the right person for you. Black men can be so wonderful and complex and beautiful. And I think Heidi Klum is a really lucky individual.

But you do have to go full force if you expect to do him justice. Because to get back to my original point, (see, contrary to what you’ve heard about black men, sometimes you DO go back), it’s a lot. There’s a lot going on behind the scenes when you’re down with brown. Something to think about.

This entry was posted Tuesday, October 14th, 2008 at 6:45 pm and is filed under Black Men. You can leave a response, or trackback from your own site.